Today, parents feel more pressure than ever to go, go, go! If you aren’t doing too much, you aren’t doing enough. As a mom of 6, I lived that until I couldn’t anymore - the burnout was real. But I learned an important lesson that slow, intentional parenting can exist even in our fast-paced, modern world. I’m here to share some of my best advice for changing your mindset and improving your lifestyle.
What Slow Living with Toddlers Really Means
I didn’t use to think that the phrases Slow Living and Toddlers could even be used together. But I’ve learned that it’s one of the secrets to happiness. What is slow living? First, it doesn’t mean being lazy or doing nothing. It’s all about being intentional about your time and actions. It works so well with toddlers because, despite their unpredictability, they crave measured, predictable environments. For anyone who has ever tried to rush a toddler into a car seat, you get this! Rarely does it go as planned or without a meltdown.
While you can’t completely avoid rushing or unexpected things cropping up, you can be thoughtful about your daily routines and slow them down. Simple rhythms and routines benefit everyone. For example, if you need to get out the door to daycare in the morning, make it a simple routine and start the process five minutes earlier than usual. The simple life with kids is just a little slower, but the reduced stress is worth it. As a minimalist parent, this looks to me like giving verbal cues ahead of time, visual cues such as setting the diaper bag on the table and my toddler's shoes on the floor next to it. When it’s almost time to leave, we start putting on one shoe while singing “the wheels on the bus” while my toddler has the opportunity to try to put on his own shoes, attempt to carry the bag, walk himself to the car, and have 3 attempts to “buckle” his car seat. While it may take 5 extra minutes, it’s much faster and easier than rushing, screaming, tears, and guilt.
How to Define What Matters in Your Family
Every family is unique and has things that matter most to them, but in our modern society, these can get lost while we juggle everything on our plates. It’s important to sit down and intentionally decide what is important to your family and what you wish you had more of. Maybe it’s time to be outside together or eat meals as a family. It could be as simple as a less cluttered house. Next, make a list of all the things that take away from these goals, what makes it hard to have more time to do the things you love? Intentional parenting is getting rid of the things that no longer serve you or add to your life.
It’s important to give your toddler a voice - they may not be able to fully communicate in words, but they can with their actions and behavior. Tune into it. If you're doing something that is always a fight or struggle, consider switching it up. If there are activities your toddler loves to participate in, focus on those. Remember, you are the voice and decision maker for your family. If something isn’t serving you, let it go.
Outsourcing your mental load isn’t cheating.
Many families are to busy doing things that have to get done, but don’t really matter much in the grand scheme of things. Let the dread and guilt go and get help! No matter what your budget is, there are things you can do to cut down on the busy work. Have your groceries delivered - you may find you actually save money by reducing impulse buys. If friends and family offer to help with childcare occasionally, accept it! Hire a babysitter to give yourself a chance to get things done and over with so that you can spend quality time with your kids. If you can’t afford to hire help, ask another parent about doing a “trade” - you might find it benefits everyone.
It’s ok to say No.
Teaching your kids to protect their peace is important, and the best way for them to learn is by seeing their parents do it. Allow yourself the freedom to say no to playdates, birthday parties, and other events that don’t fit into your life at the moment. You’ll show your kids that it’s ok to set boundaries and that they can have a fulfilling life without jam-packing every minute. You can reinforce this concept by calling it out as a family value.
Reframe your toddler battles.
It can weigh on you mentally if you tally up every battle you’ve had with your toddler in a week (or month, or year!). Instead, work on seeing the positive. When they want to do their car seat by themselves, they are practicing independence. If they have a meltdown over lunch, it’s learning emotional regulation. When you reframe and reset, you’ll find your patience increases and you can find silverlinings in otherwise trying situations.
Don’t buy your way out of tough situations.
Amazon, Target, Online Shopping…they make it easy to click a button and buy our way out of trouble. Help your toddler learn delayed gratification and build resourcefulness by practicing DIY over buying. If your child wants that new car, show them it’s something you could make together - and that it may look different, but it’s just as fun. Teaching your kids to solve problems builds their confidence, too. Many times a desire for a new toy or object stems from boredom, pull a free list of DIY activities for kids and find ways you can create together.
What a Simple Life With Kids Looks Like (To Me)
A simple life with kids isn’t instagram perfect, it isn’t always figured out. It’s truly a work in progress and to me, it’s about building something together as a family - something that is unique to you and your loved ones. It takes practice and sometimes it’s messy but the end result is something truly magical.